RETURN to Article Directory Energy Medicine and Relationships               by Vicki Matthews, ND Perhaps the greatest challenge to the human being is getting along with other human beings.  Whether it is a mate, a sibling, a parent, a child, a client, or a friend, how we relate to each other is fraught with complications and misunderstandings.  There is an elegant, yet very simple model for understanding why we act as we act with certain people and not others.   This simple model is the Five Element Model from Traditional Chinese Theory.  An understanding of this approach can be used to answer the age-old and very elusive question:     “Why do some people automatically seem to make us feel comfortable, and yet others seem to push all of our buttons without even opening their mouths?”      The quick answer to this question is that each person has an affinity for one or two of the five elements found in this model, and this affinity affects everything we do in our life.  It affects what colors we like, what food we crave, the roles we take on in life, and yes, how we relate to people.  In fact, by understanding this elemental affinity it is possible to predict behavioral tendencies, emotional challenges, and interaction styles in all of our relationships.     How can this be possible?  It is possible because we carry these affinities in our energy systems.  They are actually wired onto our auric field so that they “color” and affect everything that we do, think, feel, and even believe.  And if we have a different elemental affinity than someone close to us (which we usually do), the relationship becomes a dance between these two elements. The good news is that once we understand our elemental affinity (sometimes just called our “element”) and the elements of those near us, we can begin to understand what this dance will look like.  We can then begin to keep the steps we like and eliminate those that no longer serve us or the relationship.    The goal of this short paper is to introduce you to the Five Element Model, help you begin to understand your own elemental type and the elemental types of others, and give you a brief overview of some of the challenges when two elements come together in a relationship.  Th Five Element Wheel The Five Element Model does not focus on form and substance.  It focuses on energy and transformations, cycles and relationships. The five elements are associated with primary aspects and impulses found in nature.  These are represented by Water, Wood, Fire, Earth and Metal. These five elements are said to represent the tangible activities of yin and yang as manifested in the cyclic movement of nature. Hence, the five elements are frequently referred to by seasonal names: Winter (Water), Spring (Wood), Summer (Fire), Autumn (Metal), and Equinox /Solstice times (Earth). Inherent in the aspects of each season will be a yin or yang tendency.   Spring/Wood and Summer/Fire represent the outer directed or yang aspects of nature.  Autumn/Metal and Water/Winter represent the inner directed or yin aspects. Earth is the transition times of Solstice and Equinox, which represent aspects of balance. However, each individual element will also have both a yin and yang aspect within itself. Thus, there is both an inner (yin) and an outer (yang) directed part of Water, an inner and outer directed part of Wood, an inner and outer directed part of Fire, etc. The Five Element Model is usually represented by five circles which relate to each other in many different ways.  The two most important relationships are called the Flow Cycle and the Control Cycle.  Visually, the Five Element Model is represented this way: How the Five Elements Relate to Each Other The Five Element Model is about energy and movement. The Flow Cycle is energy moving clockwise around the large outer circle in a way that feeds.  This is also called the Nurturing Cycle.  Hence, Water feeds Wood, Wood feeds Fire, Fire feeds Earth, Earth feeds Metal, and Metal feeds Water. The Control Cycle is energy moving clockwise across the model in the shape of a star in a way that controls.  This is also called the Destruction Cycle.  Thus, Water controls Fire, Fire controls Metal, Metal controls Wood, Wood controls Earth, and Earth controls water. Both of these cycles are necessary for the effective flow of energy among the elements.  Too much is just as bad as too little. A balanced, dynamic flow of energy within the model is crucial for optimal functioning of all life.  This includes relationships. How the Five Elements Relate to People The key to using the Five Element Model with people is found in the ancient Chinese belief that, as part of the Universe, we contain all of the elements within our being, and the elements qualify how energy flows in and through us. However, based on our personal energy systems, each of us will also have a natural affinity for one or two of the elements. This natural affinity will cause one or two of the elements to have a dominant affect on how energy flows for us at both a physical and emotional level.  This affinity will also affect how energy flows to us and through us relative to our surroundings. Your affinity towards a particular element will affect how you look at the world and interact with everything in that world.  It can affect your relationships with others and your tendencies in times of stress. Understanding your dominant element, or the dominant element of your friend, child, or spouse, gives you a clue as to why you and they act the way you all do, and how to facilitate harmony and balance between you. One of the best ways to determine your elemental type is to “recognize” yourself in descriptions of the different elements.